how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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