May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize