Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
