Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
