oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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