Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
