Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
