Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
