my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
