That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
