the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jerry, you need to find god
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
