i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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