ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
