im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
