He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
