I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
