We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
