RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
