I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
