so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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