I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
