watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
