Already got asked if we're dating
She said her name was "party"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nutella sex= disaster
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
