There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
