don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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