I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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