Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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