I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
