i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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