I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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