Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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