I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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