how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
