im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
