Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
