He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
