PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
