Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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