I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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