it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
