I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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