I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
