Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i think my cat just said my name.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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