I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
