fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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