i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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