Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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