She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
