She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
