walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
