Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
