I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
