Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
